Want. I <3 puns

Things can change in a week. And even in a day.

Last week, I gained a whole new identity. I was glowing. I was joyful, and could not contain my happiness.

This morning, I lost that identity. And gained another new one. I went from someone hoping, to someone with joy for the future, to someone with deep sorrow who is grieving over a someone I’ve never even met. Who was too small to have any kind of identity of his or her own.

It really felt like closing a coffin.

I know, it’s common. And that things can always be worse. And in the days to come, I will take comfort in that knowledge. I’ll dive back into my work, but also into planning for the next time of joy. I know I have nobody to blame (not even myself), and that if I did it all over again, I would still feel joy and I would still be unable to contain my happiness.

But for right now. I am grieving. I am angry. I am helpless. I am profoundly sad.

Things can change in a day.

onemoretimewithfeeling:

via i.imgur.com

Haha! I actually just said to my friend an hour ago, “Next year I will throw a Superb Owl party.” I’m not sure yet what it will involve (except not watching football) — perhaps a “how many licks does it take?” contest?

Ya know, ‘cause that involved an owl…yeah, that’s a stretch

Photo credit: Girl Wanderer via Flickr http://www.flickr.com/photos/girlwanderer/3763722867/

It’s only six weeks so far (and, really, just four) and this little one is already taking up all my energy. Guess I better get used to it, yeah?

leeshiebean:

Who decorates your wedding ceremony and reception?  Do I ask someone to do it, or do I go there really early the morning of to do it?  I’m not talking centerpieces and food, because the venue takes care of that.  But I’m wondering about the flowers at the church(if we have some), and little handmade decorative touches I’m going to have at the reception.  I can’t figure out how those things are supposed to be set up if I’m busy, you know, getting married?

(1) Ask your venue. They might just be willing to set out the extra stuff for you beyond the centerpieces if you ask and give them a detailed explanation of where things go

(2) Ask your maid of honor/a bridesmaid/a close friend/relative — and even perhaps the best man if you’re comfortable with that

(3) For the church flowers, have a relative bring them over (and do the photos with that relative in them first)

For everything, ask for help when you can — there will be lots of people who would feel honored by the request, and it gives you more time to focus on that whole life changing event thing :)

She is a 7th grade girl who lives with her mom and grandma. They have left her in charge of preparing food for the household. She diligently boils the water, pours in the macaroni. She lets it boil, then dumps it into the collendar. She adds the dusty cheesy powder, butter and a little bit of milk to the macaroni that has been returned to the pan. She does this every night.

In the mornings, she eats Pop-Tarts. At lunch, she gets school food — and mostly opts for french fries.

She doesn’t know how to choose or chop vegetables. They don’t have much money to spend on food, but the money the do have could be stretched to fit healthier meals into their day. She would be able to concentrate better at school, would feel better at night, and would have a stronger chance of building a healthy lifestyle for herself into the future.

He is an 8th grade boy. Fortunately, he never has to think about where his next meal is coming from. He opens the freezer to Toaster Strudel and Pizza Bites, and the cupboard reveals Cheez-Its and Chips Ahoy. He, too, would benefit from learning how to cook, however. Not that the occasional snack food is a thing to be reviled — but he would enjoy significant benefits from learning to cook. First, he would appreciate that food comes from somewhere other than a factory, and that eating real unprocessed foods makes you feel better. He, too, would learn to build a healthy lifestyle that would take him well into a future with reduced chances of diabetes, heart disease and other ailments that could interfere with a good life.

For more on the importance of teaching children to cook, see this story (thanks to @MelissaHui): http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=121611755

If this resonates with you, consider voting for my Ignite Detroit topic (by Feb 8): http://ignitedetroit.uservoice.com/forums/39694-ignite-detroit-1/suggestions/464561-never-too-many-cooks-why-kids-need-to-learn-their

You’ve been sending your resume out for months. And your friend just called, excited about the awesome new job she just landed.

You’ve been crossing your fingers and applying to grad schools like crazy. And your friend just called to announce she got into Harvard.

You’ve been facing the reality that, once again, you aren’t pregnant, every month for the last 8 months. And your friend just called to announce that she’s 12 weeks along.

You have a choice.

(1) Say “I’m so happy for you” in your sweetest voice, teeth clenched all the while. Ask questions, make small talk. Hang up and cry over the injustice. Why her? Why not you? When will it be your turn?

(2) Remember the struggles she’s been going through. How she had the terrible interview where the interviewer said, “it’s not even clear to me why you are in this industry.” How she has been dreaming of Harvard since she was 5 and stayed home from the bar every night in college to earn those grades. How she has been trying for 10 months, and was feeling exceedingly discouraged. Remember this, and feel joy and excitement rise up to that place where the jealousy and resentment would have blocked them out. Smile a real smile, and ask the questions, have the long talk. Shed a tear out of happiness, not bitterness.

I choose Option 2. Because life is not a zero-sum game. Sometimes someone else is first to a milestone, but that doesn’t mean you won’t reach it. And while someone else hits the target you’ve been aiming for, you need to realize that you have been making some pretty great things happen along the way. Things that, when you called your friends, may have forced them into this same corner.

Besides, asking “why her?” isn’t going to change anything for you. Keep sending out those resumes, but also get out there and network, build connections, explore self-employment. Keep sending out those apps, re-take the standardized test, have a mentor look over your essays to see what you might change. Keep keeping track of your cycle, explore acupuncture, talk to your doctor. Control what you can, have faith in the rest, and don’t block your love. If your friend’s new job ends up sucking, if she realizes Harvard was a mistake halfway through, if the unspeakable happens, you will be able to authentically provide support without any nagging thoughts of “if only I had been happy for her, maybe it would have worked out” to undermine your ability to be there 100%. And if everything works out for her? Keep up the love.

Sure, have your crying times. Have your questioning times. Have your “when’s it my turn?” times. Those are all so human. Just don’t conflate your “why me” times as somehow being connected to someone else’s victory.

WTF is up with it? It friggin needs to stop right now. FML.

;-)

If I had Photoshop I would get nothing done. But every so often I remember BeFunky.com and the unproductivity commences.